![]() ‘Yeah,’ the parrot shudders, ‘but what the hell did that chicken steal?’Ī duck walks into a shop and asks: Do you have any gin? The man says: ‘Right, that's it!’ and slams the parrot in the fridge.Īn hour later he opens the door. The parrot openly takes another swig of the gin. He tells the parrot if it doesn't stop, he'll shut it in the fridge for an hour. 'I have nothing to declare but my gin-ius.'Ī man has a parrot who won't stop stealing his gin. The man whispers: ‘I'll have a gin and tonic, please.’ The librarian replies sternly: ‘Sir, this is a library - please keep your voice down.’ The bartender replies: ‘Of course, but why the big paws?’Ī man walks into a library and shouts: ‘I'll have a gin and tonic, please.’ I ran over a bottle of gin on my bike - and ended up with a sloe puncture.Ī grizzly bear walks into pub, puts his arms on the bar and says to the bartender: ‘I'd like a gin and ………………. The house may not always be tidy - but the gin is always neat. When god was handing out chins, I thought he said ‘gins’ - so I ordered a double. I'm on a gin and tonic diet: I lost three days last week. Gin and tonic is the answer … What was the question? You can thank us for making your day better by simply buying some gin If you don't drink lots of gin, how will your friends know you love them at 2am? What’s your superpower?Įducation is important. If you can’t remember my name just say ‘Gin’ - and I’ll turn around. Sometimes I have a bath because it’s difficult to drink gin in the shower. Real friends offer gin.Įxercise: Walking round the house looking for my glass of gin. You should have a warm heart and a cold gin and tonic. Gin is like a push-up bra for your personality. Happiness is finding three olives in your martini when you’re hungry. ![]() You cannot make everyone happy - you are not a bottle of gin. When it’s raining and when it isn’t raining.Ī skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a G&T – and a mop. My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror. No-one wants a small gin and tonic.Ī day without gin is like … I have no idea.Ī woman goes into a bar with a roll of tarmac in her bag. My resting face is also my thinking about gin face. Why do pirates prefer rum bars to gin bars? I want someone to look at me the same way I look at gin. My doctor told me to make the healthy choice. ‘The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.’Ī gin and tonic has 91 calories. ![]() When life gives you lemons (or limes) make a gin and tonic. What do you call someone who’s never had a G&T? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try a gin. Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.’ ‘My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin. Or you could just keep scrolling (to be honest we'd probably just keep scrolling - there are some very funny ones to come).ĭon’t cry over spilt milk: it could have been gin. Now we've made your day by making you smile, you can make our day by buying some gin. The gorilla replies: ‘With prices like that, I'm not surprised.’ The bartender makes the G&T and says: ‘That'll be £20 - and I must say we don't get many gorillas in here.’ ‘I don’t know what reception I’m at, but for God’s sake give me a gin and tonic.’Ī gorilla goes up to a bar and asks for a gin and tonic. Stop saying I’m hard to buy for – you know where the gin aisle is. ‘The proper union of gin and vermouth is a great and sudden glory it is one of the happiest marriages on earth and one of the shortest lived.’Ī true friend reaches for your hand … and puts a glass of gin in it. ‘A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.’ I tried to say no to gin - but it’s 42.5% stronger than me. I love water - especially when it’s frozen in cubes and surrounded by gin.Īn Oxford comma walks into a bar - and orders a gin, and tonic. If that's the case, just imagine what gin can do. They say gin can damage your short-term memory. I drank so much gin last night I’ve woken up with a London Dry accent. ‘I like to have a Martini, two at the very most, after three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.’ ‘I exercise strong self-control – I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.’ If, after reading them, you're in such a great mood you want to buy some of our gin please visit our online gin shop - as well as collecting gin one liners, we really do make some of the world's best gins and beautiful gin gifts. ![]() I make gin disappear - what's your superpower? Education is important but gin is importanter. Funny gin quotes, gin puns and gin jokes - all the best ones are here.
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